


sand: the second CUMing

by 6Writers1Trenchcoat



Series: JRWI Crackfics [2]
Category: Just Roll With It (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Please Send Help, We wrote this instead of sleeping, and forcing me to write about sand, crackfic, sand, they are holding me hostage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/6Writers1Trenchcoat/pseuds/6Writers1Trenchcoat
Summary: The prequel to sand. Taxi's first experience with it.
Series: JRWI Crackfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693708
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	sand: the second CUMing

**Author's Note:**

> What's up gamers? Its ya boi, Sphylor!
> 
> Soooooooooo uuuuuhhhhhhh yeeeeeeaaaah. We did it again.
> 
> I don't have a fetish i swear.
> 
> This was written by me, Jack, Milly and Cultist.
> 
> Enjoy.

A long beach stretched out in front of the young tabaxi. The sand beneath his feet felt hot after spending an entire day under the harsh sunlight. Yet, despite the heat of the day, it was oddly appealing to the young tabaxi. Possibly even more so. Just as a hot meal was more appealing than a cold one… He leant down tentatively, unsure of whether or not he should really proceed, but as his paws touched the sand below, he knew. The grains of sand fell through his fingers as he shovelled some with his hands.  
“YOMMY TASTY,” he began to yell as he forced handfuls of the powder into his gaping maw.  
The crunch of the fine grains felt spectacular between his teeth and he let out a satisfied goan. His curiosity had bested him but this was one of those rare occasions where he was glad it had.

Day after day Taxi found himself down at the beach, mouth close to the ground, hoovering up as much of his tasty treat as possible. Everyday that he continued his obsession grew, and so did his paranoia. What would happen if his family knew? If they found the meals he had thrown out because he was full of sand?  
He tried to convince himself he’d never have to find out. Surely he was good enough at sneaking off that no one would notice. But he could tell that suspicions were rising. He couldn’t let them confront him. He knew they would never let him live his dream of becoming a sandbag; those closed-minded, sand clean idiots would never understand. 

Lightning struck one night as Taxi lay in bed, waiting for everyone else to sleep. His bloodshot eyes stared straight at his bedroom door looking to see if all the candles had been put out yet; his stomach grumbled in anticipation along with the thunder. In his hand he held a small bag filled to the brim with the most delicious sand he could find. One nibble couldn’t hurt…  
He dropped a sprinkle of sand into his mouth and crunched slowly down on it. The noise reverberated through the quiet area(..?)(wtf where do they sleep? In tents? Buildings?)(The trees know his sins)(lol that one big Ol’ murder tree)  
The only sounds other than Taxi's noisy grinding was words being shouted in an ancient tongue. "SUCKU MY DICKU!" It almost sounded like a man's shout! But the perceptive tabaxi simply ignored it, claiming to himself it was the wind. He was far too busy munching on munchy sandy sand to go look anyway! As he crunched and munched though, the sound only became louder and more aggressive. Until a loud knocking could be heard. Taxi stopped mid handful. Was he about to be caught?  
Taxi’s eyes gleamed through the darkness. His body was slumped over the bag of sand. How was he going to explain this one. The horrible sound of someone, something, monkeying around intensified.   
“GREEN,” came a loud yelling from just outside the door. “I swear to all the gods if I see any sand in there you’re out!”   
"What's sand?!" He shouted, laughing nervously, almost in a crazed way, after his not exactly calm words.  
The door slammed open and there stood an older looking tabaxi. His fists were clenched with fury. How could his son be eating sand again? All of those therapy sessions, for nothing.  
Taxi cringed as the door opened, the sans flowing down from his open hand and onto the floor. He couldn't even respond without risking choking on the fine grains in his mouth.  
The man stared down at his son. His fist continued to clench and unclench, anger coursing through his veins. He could hardly look at his son in this state. Covered in golden grains, eyes wide and shocked.  
The cat person then began to violently size Taxi up, spit flying from in-between his clenched fangs.  
“D-dad, its n-not what it looks like,” the younger tabaxi stuttered.  
“Tell me what it fucking looks like, Green, because I’m pretty sure it is.”  
“UHHuhhh,,, Chess??”  
"Ha ha. Very funny. Cut the shit, Green. I'm not falling for that one again. I KNEW YOU WERE FUCKING HIM LAST TIME!!! Studid fucking Lander, half-elf bitch. Back to the situation at hand, why the fuck are you eating sand again after all that I've done to try and help you?!" He screamed, storming into the room. He grabbed Taxi by the collar, and lifted him up from the sand, furry in his eyes.   
“You wouldn’t understand, dad, YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND. EATING SAND IS PART OF WHO I AM. NO AMOUNT OF THERAPY WILL EVER STAND IN THE WAY OF MY DREAMS!”  
His dad snapped then, and he threw Taxi to the side, before slicing open the bag of sand and letting it spill to the ground. Taxi trembled, whether in fear or anger he didn’t know.  
“What did I fucking say?” His dad said quietly, the bite in his voice almost holding in the air between them. “What did I say would happen if you carried on with this shit?” (WHO TOOK A SHET IN THE TOILET AND DIDN'T FLUSH IT?!? DISGUSTANG!)  
"I don't know, what did you say? Seriously though I can't remember I think this sand is fucking with my momery. Anyway what were you shouting at me about?" Taxi said innocently.  
“You’re fucking gone, Green.”  
“I’M LEAVING! BUT NOT BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!”  
"Good, go, you vile creature." And he spat on the floor behind his disowned son, like in an old western movie. “I’m almost glad your mother isn’t alive to see this disgrace.”  
Snapping his head back around 360°, Taxi replied "Actually she is alive! She's down at the Momery, and now ive made hundreds of her!" There was a crazed spark in his eyes, thinking of all the tasty sand versions of his mother he would get to vore now that he was moving into the huge cave.  
“I cannot wait to eat the mother sand……..” before leaving, he put his head down to the ground to inhale the pesky grains of sand that had managed to escape his mouth.  
The father reeled back in horror as Taxi unhinged his jaw to do this action, the yonger tabaxi's eyes rolling to the back of his head, and hr tongue (MN: HE TONGUE HE TONGUE) stuck out as far as it could go. Aheago disease. This was what was making him eat sand. His father finally realised and ran for his life, not wanting to catch it too.  
“THAT’S IT, BITCH, RUN, RUN FROM CRAZY SAND MAN!” Mr sandman began playing from his 10k double subwoofers located behind his sand wall. The Tabaxi VIOLENTLY headbumped to the song his eyes flinging out their sockets a few times.  
“YEAHH YOU FUCKIN HEARD ME I’M THE GODDAMN SAND MAN BITCH. YOU WANNA FUCKIN GO? BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER.”  
"BUT I'M NOT LIKE THAT ONCE FROM THE GUARDIANS MOVIE, NO, I ACTUALLY SPEAK WORDS!!!!" He shouted to basically no one at this point while he slipped his eyeballs bac into their sockets, each one making a delight and moist 'pop!' sound.  
“YEAH YOU FUCKIN HEARD ME I SPEAK FUCKIN WORDS ASS BITCH SHIT FUCK.”  
“KIDS WILL RUN SCREAMING FROM ME, I’LL SHOW YOU, I’LL SHOW YOU ALL!!”  
“YEAHHH YOURE GONNA WATCH THOSE KIDS RUN YOU’LL SEE.” Taxi panted as his inner demons yelled at each other.  
“THEN I’LL MAKE SAND REPLICAS OF EM AND EAT EM RIGHT INFRONT OF THE LITTLE FUCKERS,”  
"THEIR ALL GONNA SCREAM LIKE MORTY DIS WHNE HE BROKE HIS LEAND WHEN HE SHOVED THAT SEED UP HIS ASS."  
“YEAH BITCH I TURNED MYSELF INTO A PICKLE. IM PICKLE TAXI.”  
"NOTHING BEATS PICKLE TAXI THAT YIU DROPPED INTO THE SAND AT THE BEACH BUT STILL DECIDED TO EAT!! I'M THAT GOOD BITCH!"  
“SANDMAN 100 YEARS SANDMAN, GOTTA GET THAT SAND SAUCE, WHY DON'T THEY DO THAT LIMITED EDITION SAND SIRCE ANYMORE MORTY WHY WHY SANDMAN 100 THOUSAND YEAS SAND SAND MAN SAND!!!"  
“FUNNIEST SHIT I’VE EVER SEEN. PICKLE TAXI SANDMAN FOREVER FREE SPINS FREE WIN WIN EVERY TIME PICKLE SANDMAN TAXI 100 YEARS FOREVER DOT COM SLASH FOR FREE.”  
“EVEN IF IT TAKES 90 YEARS I’M GONNA GET THAT MULAN SAND SAUCE!”  
“What the fuck is wrong with you.” said his sandy mother from the Momery.  
“THE MOTHER SAND!” He gasped, lurching forwards.  
"THOSE ARE MY EYES HOLES, GIMME YOUR EYE HOLES!" taxi hurtled himself towards his mother’s sandy eyeholes. Oh how they melt in your mouth WHOOWEE  
“MR POOPYBUTTHOLE HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!!??!”  
“Taxi… I know you can hear me… please wake up, we’re trying all that we can to get you back with us… you’ve been in a coma for 10 years… please taxi…”  
"Wubba lubba dub dub!, ha ha that’s my new catchphrase, morty,"  
LlListen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."

Sweat was slick on his back when he woke up, his heat racing, and head pounding. Mountain didn't know what he had to drink that night, but from his dreams told him it was something terrible. He let out a deep sign, feeling comforted and safe in the hard tavern bed.  
THE END PLEASE

**Author's Note:**

> As always chaos ensued, let have a look:
> 
> WHYYYYYYYYY, WHY IS HE GONNA VORE HIS MOTHER  
> WHAT THE FUCK- WHAT TEH FUCK HETAYGDKJADKU NO  
> Momery: Where you store and produce mothers. Located in a cave near the beach.  
> GAPING MAW GAPING MAW GAPING MAW  
> They’re all just made of sand, like weird fukin sand castles oh no  
> OH GOD THIS IS SO CURSED HOLY FUK  
> Thanks for the mental image  
> HE FUCKING UNHINGES HIS JAW TO BECOME GAPING MAW TAXI  
> Yo we’re like nearly in a rainbow  
> (That’s really weird. Br’aad said that just as you typed that out)  
> Reactions down here boys.  
> Damn this feels like it definitely could be canon - well done guys, we’re geniuses  
> Thank you milly, very cool  
> It’s fine he’s a hoover he can suck it all up CULTIST NO CULTIST I'll never stop istg  
> Just like he SUCKS Lander's dick  
> My desire to make this angsty needs to be contained.  
> WHO WAS HE FUCKING?????? Lander im going to punt you.  
> *snorts sand like a line of cocaine* “AIght boys hows it crackin?!”  
> THE BIGGEST MYSTERY SINCE WHAT DID THE WENCH SAY not really  
> SANS FROM UNDERTALE WHAAAAAAAAAAT SANS UNDERTALE MEGALOVANIA PLAYS  
> Oops, fixed it  
> THE PERCEPTIVE TABAXI REALISED HE DIDNT KNOW BRAAD YET HES A TEENAGER THIS IS HIS KICKED OUT BACKSTORY CULTIST   
> Jesus fUCKing christ  
> Im going to cry  
> IM LITERALLY QUAKING  
> IKR DUDE. IM SO SCARED. Oh no  
> WHO THE FUCK MADE IT PINK. WHO THE FUCK. MADE IT. PINK.   
> OWN UP YOU COWARD. I ALREADY DID FUCK YOU  
> Main server has been informed of Sand: The Second CUming  
> WHO TF CHANGED THE DOC NEON PINK.   
> Bro I can’t wait to write Opal I’m gonna write a story from her perspective abt meeting the party I’m so excited ALSO WHY MORE SAND P LE ASE I AM AN AGENT OF CHAOS  
> HE FUCKING GROANED?????  
> Why the fuck did the boy groan. WHY THE FUCK DID THE BOY GROAN  
> I fucking love it  
> GAPING MAW ALRuhje;iqkgiFE.K Sjsbjd i am going to commit toaster bath.  
> FUCK- I’M SO. UPSET ME TOO FLUFFLE  
> What the fuck I just wanna write opal being a babie child  
> I would like to formally apologize  
> You fuckin better.   
> HES A FUCKING HOOVER. WHY IS HE A HOOVER??/ taxi hoover canon i refuse. That as canon.  
> I hate this. Very much. How could you hate the sacred text?  
> I’m just-  
> This is the origin story as to why he got outcasted. For being a fucking weirdo. HOLY SHIT YOUVE CRACKED IT  
> Taxi: eats sand   
> His Dad: Get the fuck out  
> His Mum: dies from embarrassment  
> Oriana: das kinda hot tho  
> THAT’S TOO FAR- he eats sand to cope  
> I mean, I can tell you right now that I’m gonna kill mama Tabaxi, angst has its purposes.   
> Do you think if taxi ate enough sand we could use him as an hourglass? Holy shit they’re stuck in an hourglass and taxi goes ‘hold my beer’ and fucking hoovers it up  
> Honey no  
> Please stop, its so bad its good.  
> Sounds like an Ob’nockshai thing to do. Milly, you’re a genius. Yeah 😎  
> I’m just. Oh my gods,,,,, hhhhh  
> Cry time already. Its been 15 mins  
> CULTIST HAS ARRIVED yes  
> I SAW the wrd kink I swear to god-  
> This is meant to be good friday but its more like great friday  
> Its thursday- 00:03 oh its friday by 3 fucking mins cut me some slack lol NEVER   
> I’m. I just wan baby,,,,,,, I jus wan baie,,,,  
> ReVerBiRatRf LMAO I COULDNT THINK OF A GOOD WORD   
> TAXIS NOISY GRINDING IM SCREAMING SUCKU MY DICKU LSONFOSNFBWJ  
> I cannot holy fuck   
> How does he know braad- hes baby-  
> He hears Br’aad in his nightmares.  
> Love list  
> Who’s makin you uwu atm?  
> Milly: Taxi  
> Fluffle: Cow guy, he soft and caring- actually who am I kidding its Taxi.   
> Jack: I love them both so much I can’t they are just,,,, nice. REal big on Taxi and nice cow man.( Does that make me a furry????) (yes)(fuck)(don’t worry we all in this together)(or are least all the taxi simps are)(I don’t simp I just stan please-)  
> Cultist: Mountain arc Mountain arc (Narwhals voice is chief's kiss)  
> Wren: Br’aad, he is my boy. My baby. We stan.
> 
> SPHY DONT YOU DARE I KNOW YOU ARE THINKING  
> Sphy if you write that I’m leaving the chat and the server  
> Why is it always me lol  
> Because you r the only one to go through with that shit  
> Can we derail cute time yes


End file.
